Photography and words by Cydneii Lung’aho
As the summer comes back around, the bank holidays are here, the weather’s getting warmer, and the rooftops are open. Enjoyment is at its all time high. With that, the tasks of the average day are still on, though. Work is still there, demanding one’s presence on a sunny day, and for some that can mean going as far as spending the summer away from home.
For students, especially those who are international, this is more than likely to be the reality and often stays as a continuation of a new normal for them. Leaving home in hopes of chasing a new dream or gaining better opportunities can often become glamourised by idyllic Instagram posts and long catch-up stories, but the reality can be more obscure.
Adulting is defined by Oxford Dictionary as the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks. Even within the realms of a comfortable place, like one’s hometown, or being surrounded by familiar faces, like childhood friends, adulting remains a chore. And, as a Vogue article from 2023 announced: The Age Of Adulting Is Over.
In the article, Claire Cohen discussed the new age meaning of adulting with author Kelly Williams Brown, a decade after Brown’s book Adulting: How to Become a Grown-Up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps became a bestseller and coined the term.
At the time of its publication, Cohen said, “[The book described] …the millennial version of wanting to have it all: enjoying an extended period of carefree youth, while also having our shit together. Or giving the appearance of it, at least.”
But much has changed in the modern age. Now a few years post-major world pandemic and living in the rapid rise of social media, Brown found herself rejecting the term in today’s age and being cosigned by Cohen saying, “Their concerns are not the same as ours were only a decade ago.”
Today adulting still goes by the same definition in the Oxford Dictionary, but to students living internationally in London, it means a lot of different things.
Becoming self-reliant
American international, Molly Madden, defines adulting as being totally self-reliant. When asked about how adulting here has differed from life at home, she said, “I think it’s pretty similar to how I would adult in my hometown, but there’s definitely some added responsibilities managing everything abroad.”
Aliyah Rahma, a student from Indonesia, shared similar sentiments and said, “Adulting feels liberating because it’s the time where you’re not being held down by anyone, but it’s also pretty heavy. You don’t have the support you know of any more or the people you love surrounding you. It sounds peaceful but can be quite scary and lonely.”
Work and study can be two everyday tasks made more exciting by a good view or hearty breakfast.
Madden mentioned the famous misconception that Londoners are cold or unwelcoming was actually different to her experience in the city and had led her to find the nicest people that have gone out of their way to welcome her, despite a recent study by the Belonging Forum, that found Londoners are lonelier than the rest of the country.
Similarly, a 2023 study performed by University College of London found that international students in London identified loneliness in six main themes: negative psychological and social aspects of loneliness, the distressing experience of being alone, disrupted ability to make meaningful connections, sense of entrapment in a state of loneliness, awareness of others’ stigmatising perceptions of oneself as lonely, and perceptions of positive aspects of loneliness.
India-Dubai native, Aadya Shrivastava, said, “Moving to London actually wasn’t the initial plan for me so I found it hard at first making friends. I love my independence and free time, but it’s nice to have someone to go out and do things with.”
Te’Lyah Taylor, a University of the Arts London film student from Bermuda, agreed with Shrivastava and said, “It took me some time to make friends that were actually interested in what I wanted to do. I found myself around people who wanted to hang out or asked me what I wanted to do, but when my suggestions came, no one actually wanted to follow through. Finding people with interests like mine has made me go out more and experience my time here in a different way.”
For Madden, keeping in touch with folks back home was problematic. “The biggest challenge is the time difference between here and my hometown. Sometimes I need or just want to talk to my family, and I have to wait hours until they’re awake it can be kind of lonely the first couple months when you’re still making friends.
“I also think, like moving anywhere, it takes time to really settle and learn your way around the city before it feels like home.”
Meaningful friendships
The creation of meaningful friendships and exploring the city has been revered as a balm to the aches of adulting abroad by many, including Instagram creators Dari (@abroadintegration), Mari (@intheworldofmari), and Manuel Quintero (@itsmanuelq).
Others like Bibi-Jane Anjelica (@bibijaneangelica) and Amanda Nicole (@nicolesbeachpage) post motivational photos and videos to remind other international students that they are not alone in their feelings, experiences, or thoughts.
Though adulting can be menial, the joys of doing it abroad can be plenty.
Rahma said, “The number of opportunities available to me out there is amazing, but even outside of that, the freedom in living whether it’s to cook my own food or going wherever I want, that’s been the biggest joy.”
Another menial adulting task can be cooking, but some music, friends, and new country can add some life to everyday tasks.
Madden said, “Studying abroad has made me so much more confident in every way! I’m so much more open minded about everything imaginable and self-sufficient in things I wouldn’t have to be because I didn’t stay home.”
Though the realities of adulting remain and the struggles of doing so abroad can overwhelm, there seems to be hope yet.
Shrivastava said, “It can take a while, but the wait is always worth it if it means finding the people to do it all with. Uni can be long, work can be hard, but that weekend with the girls or just chilling after a long week can really just heal all the things. Finding your footing and living your passions are the ultimate goals, and adulting is just the first steps.”
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