Who needs a man? Why being a single mum appeals

By Charlotte Hart

 

Let’s stick two fingers up to stereotypes and show the world how successful single mums can have it all…

Single mums are having a moment. The likes of Kourtney Kardashian and Ferne McCann are carving the way for major single mum inspo. Nurturing their babies alongside their careers, having a social life and travelling the world, they juggle life wondrously. You may wonder how they do it all… so here’s how:

According to charity Gingerbread, about a quarter of UK families are single parent families, which of course comes with its struggles. That’s why we should support lone parents instead of judging them. The judgement needs to stop. The comments like ‘does he still see the dad?’ or ‘how to do you actually get by?’ need to stop.

Single mums have always had a stigma attached to them. Being the ‘unmarried mother’ used to bring shame and judgement upon women – and in many communities it still does – but this is 2019 and the world needs to move at the same pace that these women do. The assumptions people make about single mothers include thing like, wondering if you did it to get a council house, if there’s something wrong with you for the father to not stick around, and is your career is now over – now that you’re ‘just a mum’.

But the break-down of a relationship should never be the pinnacle of your existence. Moving on from a toxic relationship is like a sweet renaissance for many, whether they have children or not. Creating a beautiful life for yourself is the beauty of today’s society: we all have choices.

Let’s take a minute to celebrate single ladies who shine. Sally-Anne Clarkson, 27, mother of five-year-old Mya, says: “You can get it on your own if you work for it. Motherhood ain’t easy but there’s no excuse to stop building your career in today’s world. We can have it all. I do.”

Sally-Anne’s relationship with Mya’s father broke down in 2017. They owned their house together and after a year of dispute between the two of them, Sally-Anne was fortunate enough to buy her ex out of the family home. “This is why you need to put your career at the forefront,” she states. “If you have money, you have options. You will never find yourself stuck.”

Sally-Anne works as a Social Care Practitioner full time for Warwickshire County Council, but still manages to push her daughter’s gymnastics career, take her to regular swimming classes and do the school run. Sally-Anne also hits the gym five times a week on her lunch breaks to stay in shape and loves shopping at designer outlets. She has a keen eye for Jimmy Choo and Mulberry and always saves up for a new treat every couple of months.

 

With the help of her mother and her ex taking care of Mya, Sally-Anne still has a thriving social life, including nights out to cocktail bars with her girlfriends who are also single mothers and a trip to Ibiza booked in August.

Single parenting doesn’t sound too bad now, does it?

Mastering the balancing act and organisational skills are the key to making it all work, according to Julia Clarke, 31, mother of Ruben 11, and Jackson 2. She says she runs a tight ship to make single mum life her best life.

Julia works full time as a Roster Coordinator at Colas Rail, a job she started before having her second son. Julia has a healthy relationship with her children’s fathers and receives gifts such as Louis Vuitton handbags for Mother’s Day.

“If you don’t work then you should expect to have no money. I don’t get these women who do nothing all day and just moan about being broke,” says Julia, who is responsible for the rotas of Network Rail staff and takes a lot of pride in her work. She is currently saving up to buy her dream house for her boys.

When Julia isn’t juggling family life and work, she gets her beautiful mane of dark hair blow dried and grows her astounding collection of Bare Minerals makeup.

Regular trips to the nail salon mean Julia may need a family member to have the boys for an hour or so. “Utilising family and friends is your best tool as a single parent. Your family are your biggest allies and the boy’s dads’ families are great with childcare,”

She adds: “My Louis Vuitton bags are my pride and joy… and my boys of course.” She jokes as she slings her new LV rucksack onto one shoulder.

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Single motherhood needn’t be miserable and depressing. It’s what you make it and working hard benefits yourself as much as it benefits your family. Networks such as netmums.com and family and friends are a great source of support.